starlight

2011-11-14T01:28:00.002+08:00

work has been wonderful.

with the right circle of friends from different

walks of life, it certainly makes time fly.

i've since given up hoping to get back a Bestfriend.

i've since lost faith in the terms Bestfriend.

at the end of the day, i share my daily stories

with mama.

and my hard times, i shove them aside with

positivity that 2mrw brings a better day.

ever since my life took a 180 turn,

i live life as it is. finding joy in every little thing

that I do. Alhamdulillah..(:

I hope you're enjoying your life the way you

want it to be. date 20 girls, washing eyes on

all cute girls your eyes can set on,

making girls fall for your moves,

& in the end be innocent about it.

HAHA.

I know you miss me but all you're doing is

waiting for me to make the first move &

you know i read you very well,

so keep dreaming my dear,

im not her, im not them.

i shall stop being very blunt.

i miss your nonsense but fuck it,

I'm still breathing without you around. (:

thanks for all those memories.

2011-09-30T00:37:00.002+08:00

it's been so long since I came by to drop a post.

life have been pretty much the same lately.

Lebaran was not as wow as compared to years ago.

only things I looked forward to are family events

and days out with close ones.

And, time to hide out at my getaways.

Im healing.

a slow recovery process.

I teach & control my mind & emotions.

I check on them daily so as not to go haywire.

I've got the hang of handling things on my own,

and catching my ownself when I stumble.

I miss Syafiqah Adilah. I hope she somehow stumble

upon this. It's been so long since I blabbered so much

to someone. I wish you're back here with me.

However much disappointed I am with you,

I still love you the same.

I miss Amran Ishak for real. I hope he somehow reads

this too. It's been fcking long since I last

heard him go "syaaa...." and so long since

we last sat side by side blabbering about

what's past, how fcked up the present is &

worrying about the future.

I watched BFF on Suria & hell, I teared up.

The seats that used to have buttprints of

a pair of bestfriends now only sit a person,

talking to my ownself.

Only God knows this burden Im carrying with me,

having to let two important souls in my life

wander off far away from me and

missing them like crazy day by day.

I can't possibly fly to where Fiqah is right now.

I can't possibly be clingy on Amran.

aku rindu.

well, life goes on.

2011-08-24T03:20:00.002+08:00

Not even the slightest bit have my

care & love for you faded away,

it never will.

I miss you boy.

really. i miss my bestfriend.

2011-08-19T01:44:00.002+08:00

Funny how life works.

When God takes away something so precious from you,

he gives you in return many other blessings.

Ayah have been spending more time to check on me.

Not that Im enjoying or seeking the attention,

but at least, I feel the concerns & support.

He keeps reminding me to look after my health

& food intake & rest time.

But I dont find the use to have longer rest.

I'd rather be working.

2012 will be a better year.

& i wont start it with another kiss for sure. -.-

if you're reading this : I wish my head is like a CPU,

so I could wipe out all those times we spent together,

all those words we shared, all the bestfriend's promises..

I wish you would man up and realize something.

& not appearing & disappearing as and when you feel

like it. you, made me scrutinize boys of their sincerity.

at the end of it, i feel so stupid for still missing & caring about you.

& worse, thinking about you. Ya Allah..

kau permudahkan perjalanan hambaMu ini.

2011-08-16T01:31:00.002+08:00

exhausted.

I really miss having a bestfriend.

If you're still the same one I once knew,

probably you're keeping this distance

so as to prevent yourself

from falling into the confusion trap again,

so that you wont hurt another person

as much as you wounded me.

I would probably respect that.

Or you guess I would come knocking on your

door again soon.

Or with the ego of yours,

probably you're waiting for me to take another

initiative to be the one finding you,

and admit to my mistakes first.

Or probably you're still angry at me for not

being there for you that once. But till today,

I wish you saw & heard & felt what I went through.

Or probably you've really really, really,

found & gotten back what you've lost before.

I was just an umbrella to shelter you through

the rainy days anyway.

Or probably Ayah have been right.

I was just a rebound.

But I wonder why, Im still standing up for you

up till this very day.

WHY?! God.

I shouldnt have raised my voice & quarreled with

Ayah over the overnighting at the hospital matter.

I shouldnt have stood up all the way,

for someone I truly cared of.

I placed my relationship with Ayah at stake

for someone I love, to ensure I was always near...

to get an earful of scoldings everynight,

for somebody you call a bestfriend.

& after Ayah knew of the whole thing,

he could still wipe my tears, hugged me,

& told me he was touched I cared & loved for someone

that much.

Bestfriend.

this is the test of life.

2011-08-14T01:54:00.002+08:00

work. has been occupying most of my days

since day 1 of Ramadhan. Im thankful that finally

my family is no longer being insensitive to

what Im actually going through.

Having shared the whole burden with parents,

it really showed that they do care after all.

I thought I was firm so as not to breakdown

while sharing but in the end, I lost to the tears again.

It's just a mark to them that their girl

have been strong all along.

The hugs and the pat on the back a parent could offer,

seeing me breakdown because of a bestfriend & more than that,

priceless. Finally, a load off my chest.

Thanks dad.

____________________________________

wake up munirah.

wake up.

stop holding on to memories.

2011-08-01T14:30:00.002+08:00

days & nights accompanied by them.
far yet always near..unless, when whatsapp fails me.
i don't put too much trust on them like i used to on someone..
but they hardly fail me..berbiru, always..

syafiqah adilah. trust me, this is for your good.
you have no idea how badly i broke down talking to papa.
i never thought i was that weak to let go of you.
you had no idea how much i didnt want to talk to
anybody for days.
it's not explainations or reasoning that I needed.
I knew its for good cause.
but since nobody managed to understand my needs,
some dont understand, some selfish,
I managed to be surviving this, realising it's always
me having to stand on my two feet.
Even someone you call a bestfriend can never be there.
So syafiqah..come back a better person. I'll miss you, always.
I'll never give up on you, though many would..

2011-07-19T23:49:00.003+08:00

tipu kalau aku cakap aku tak rindu kan.
still, i miss a bestfriend.
i hope you know that.

I thought I saw the familiar stare,
the stare of hopes, searching for answers..
but I remembered,
you're not hoping for anything
& I know where I stand right now..
it might just be a blank stare.
So I shoved the familiar happy tingling
sensations I felt in me, far away from my mind.

rebound.

2011-07-18T00:31:00.002+08:00

This might be a little too belated,
but for much that they have done,
much that they have been around,
Happy Belated birthday Hafiz Ishak & Syamil.
Apologies for being away on your big days.
I wont promise, but insya'allah,
2 more days we'll have a blast. (:

Tersadar aku dari lena,
kaki berpijak di bumi yang nyata,
hati memberontak jiwa meronta,
sanubari dihiris, naluri bergelora,
lumrah manusia menjadi alpa,
hati berubah sejenak leka,
di dalam sujudku kepadaNya,
aku tewas menahan titis airmata,
aku sedar akan kebesaranNya,
aku akur akan ujianNya,
yang baik itu datang dari Ilahi,
yang buruk itu dari kelemahan diri.

Ya Allah, syukur di atas rahmatMu,
aku mengenal erti sayang dan sabar,
Ya Allah, berkat kasihMu,
aku mengenal mutiara dan kaca.
Aku berlindung dibawah naungan kasihMu,
mengharapkan semangat yang baru.

- Munirah Alsagoff.

2011-07-11T01:53:00.002+08:00

start my day right, and insya'allah everything else follows.

first & foremost, buat Fajar Ciputra yang jauh
dari mata, maaf kalau sudah bikin risau
dgn kehilangan diri ini utk sekian lamax.
terima kasih atas perhatian kamu...
jujur, aku terharu. (:
insya'allah muni akan tetap semangat
dan kuat dlm apa jua cobaan dariNya.
salam buat yg lain. kangen fjr.

secondly, Nabin's is good.
PLEASE. go and have dinner there.
Thanks girls. Thanks aidil, NZ, Prince.
i miss school more & more.

thirdly, Cliques & Enjoi.
a thanks would not be enough to
express my appreciation and love for
all of you. thanks for all the effort
to draw the smile on this face.
the whatsapps texts stretching till 4am,
the virtual hugs, the frequent calls.

Seasons change, people change.
This almost completed book is no longer of any use.
Because, people changed...
Then the book would no longer be as accurate.
It was written about a soul i once knew so well about.
A soul that still accompanies my every footstep.
But seasons change, people change.
& my feelings don't.

I miss you, really do..

2011-07-05T23:47:00.002+08:00

I miss Enjoi.

I know I've been missing for days.
in these few days, I went through quite a lot.
I just have to blog this down...
about a lady whom I saw on the cold floor of OG,
crying in pain due to her badly sprained ankle.
Strangers that made a mark in your life.
When you go an extra mile to save a stranger
from some pain, you leave a great mark in their life.
Kak Suzanna. Im still praying for your recovery.
I did not do much for you..just a basic first aiding.
Thanks for dropping a call though I had no idea
how you managed to get my number.
But your thoughts on calling me again today to check on me
really touched me deep down.

CSM. the loving family.
feeding me with food every hour,
concerned with the sudden weight loss.
they, are just pure sweet & sincere.

Laughter heals heartbreaks.
In the midst of all the laughter and smiles,
I still feel loneliness lingering.
I still feel my heart shrinking as I step foot on
familiar places..

Treated the kids to Coldrock@MBS.
Awesomely steam.
A train ride home and bumping into
the legendary Farhan Iskandar, doubly awesome.

You know whats the most touching thing a dad can do?
When your dad walks into your room & asked
if there's anything you want to share with him.
You answered with a wide smile 'Nope. Im fine.'
and he hugs you tightly and said
'I know my daughter is crying badly deep inside.
I know he is not just a close friend to you.
Love is never an easy game. Tawakal & be strong okay.
Anything you can share with me too.'
and you just feel like you're facing the
longest battle with the tears.

that small lot in your heart,
I just want to be in that spot.

2011-06-29T13:43:00.002+08:00

I believe, this happens only once in your life whereby someone

just steps into your world and turned it completely around.

Just that someone you look forward to see at the end of a tiring day.

A someone who you tell everything which you never told

any other soul before, and they listen to you attentively,

in fact wanting to know more.

You share your dreams which will never come true with him,

hopes for the future, goals that you could never achieve,

heartbreaks that you've gone through,

disappointments & challenges that life throws into your face.

When you had a good day, or somebody makes your day,

you can't wait to share it with him, knowing he

would share your excitement too.

He is never embarrassed nor shy to cry with you

when you're down, or laugh with you when you just

make a fool of yourself.

He never would want to hurt you

or make you feel like you're not good enough,

in fact he would try his best to build you up,

makes you feel special about yourself

and makes you believe that you're always the best.

When he is around you, you wouldn't feel any anger,

competition, jealousy or pressure but just a quiet calmness

which surrounds the both of you.

When you feel anger, just a gentle look from his

eyes and touch of the lips could make the anger

disappear into thin air.

You can practically be yourself being in front of them

because you know they love you for who you are.

Everything feels perfect and wonderful.

Colour seems brighter, laughter seems like

an everyday thing, smiles fills your face.

A phonecall or two helps you get through a long

stressful day, when he's next to you there isn't

the need to continuously talk because it's

just his presence next to you that matters.

You think of him in everything that you do,

everywhere you go, everything you utter.

Life simple pleasures like the clouds, greenery or

the parks brings him to your mind.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a

chance it may be broken one day and in

opening your heart, you experience a love

and joy that you never dreamed possible .

You find that being vulnerable is the only

way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

You find strength knowing that there is always

this soul whose always there as a true friend, bestfriend

and your soulmate who will remain loyal to the end.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

I believe it happens just once,

with one person.

Fuck. I miss you bad.

2011-06-27T21:03:00.003+08:00

adapting to this life.

things that i hear and see, makes me ache a lot deep down.

but im thankful that Brothers Enjoi are protective of me.

i love you, nabs suf and maha.

but if it takes me to be the victim for

you to achieve what you've

been missing all these while,

i take it openly.

even if it means people labeling me as being disrespectful.

the doctor said the viral infection is getting worse.

if it doesnt go in a week,

its time for an x-ray.

ya allah, please dont let it

be anything serious. please let this pains cure.

it's unbearable but I have to put up with it

with the help of medicines.

when i see darkness coming my way,

i actually see a lot of people who

truly cared and bothered about my feeling all around me.

Im greatly thankful for all the words

and pillars to lean on.

It's a hard phase. Harder than I could ever thought

I could handle.

Everywhere I go, it's you im reminded of.

Everything I do, it's you im reminded of.

Every experience I share, it's you im reminded of.

But people told me, for me to get over this,

I have to face it bravely.

no doubt, I really miss him.

But the wall of defense he've made me

built around myself had just turned me icy cold.

I hate him this much for turning me this way.

to the point that,

I do not think I would wanna face

that face I had a good look at almost 2 weeks ago,

I do not think I would wanna hear the voice I

had a good time listening to almost 2 weeks ago,

I do not think I would wanna touch the hands which

held mine tightly 2 weeks ago,

I do not think I would wanna look in to the eyes

which I had a good stare at 2 weeks ago,

I do not think I would wanna smell the scent

of breath which made me weak 2 weeks ago.

that bad.

I had to fight through those hurtful words

and treatments when it's not my fault to

begin with.

But I love you still.

I only can't bring myself to trust your words now.

2011-06-23T11:44:00.002+08:00

A note I thought I would never send.

For a soul that have always been nice.

In life, nothing is ever fair. We have gone

through uncountable ups and downs together,

came this far and still holding on.

All the good times we had, experiments we made,

dirty little secrets we had,

crazy ideas we shared, tears we shed.

Being too kind is never a good idea, I finally

got my head knocked on the wall to realize that.

In an ordeal I promised to always be near,

but again it seems like I'm just an option,

taken for granted.

No it wasn't just me, many others noticed it too.

My hopes have faded away, as much

as my will and faith to hang on.

To see you smiling with all the company,

I know part of me smiled too.

But part of me broke apart realizing the

distance between us that's as wide as the Pacific Sea.

No it wasn't just me, many others pointed it out to me.

I kept searching for assurance.

I can't deny this strong feelings of love

that still lingers around.

But what's love to you? It means nothing.

It's not time or space that I need.

It's your realization that I'm wishing for.

You'll wake up one day seeing me no longer there.

You'll sit and stare, wondering why.

Search deep within yourself and

one day you ll find the answers.

You might feel some pain but it's nothing compared to

what I've endured this far.

Another half of your heart is occupied by another anyway.

You might feel the sting in your eyes seeing this,

but I know it's just temporal.

Because if you really loved & cared,

you wouldn't make me feel this way.

I questioned myself,

Who was there to entertain the kid in me?

Who was there when I couldn't sleep at 3am?

Who was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on?

Who was there when I just needed a real warm hug?

Who was there when I was sick 2am in the morning?

Who was there to accompany me do my work?

Who was there when I just needed someone to understand?

Who was there when I just needed someone next to me at any time?

Who was there to send me to the doctor when I was really ill?

Who was there when I was really breaking down?

Who was there to really love me unconditionally?

It used to be you. But lately, most of the questions

have 'Myself' as the answer.

The trust has faded. So has the hope.

Sometimes one just have to learn things the hard way.

It takes you to lose somebody for good, to understand how much

the person meant to you, for real.

Yours Truly,

the one who cares & loves you the most.

2011-06-22T00:59:00.002+08:00

the face that I miss seeing.

the voice that I miss hearing.

the smile that I miss melting to.

the hug that I miss getting warm in.

you taught me to be strong,

to stand even on my own.

now that I see you in this state,

I wish it was me instead.

get well soon bby.

I miss alot of things about you.

2011-06-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

words that actually make a person disheartened.

Ubin was good. Im glad the kids had fun though

I put my health at risk.

Strangers that really made your day ; priceless.

I would remember the uncle who sat in front of

the drink stall, who offered some help when

I was gasping for oxygen. His concerns.

I would remember the taxi driver who sent me

to the reception of the clinic when I was

hit by nausea & diahorrea last Wed,

covering my head from the light downpour.

Farhan Jack who randomly called in the afternoon.

Telling me he saw me walking past his bus.

'Kau pergi mana sia dengan shades? Cute pe kau.'

He went an extra mile to get my num from

another person to drop me a call and say he saw me.

Ashraf who randomly called before lights out,

after a week being in confinement,

checking on me and about the rest.

Life's okay for the boys in Tekong.

i miss amran, for real.

I could only afford to look & care from a distance. (':

aishiteru.

2011-06-18T10:14:00.002+08:00

to see someone so strong to be on the

hospital bed, with tubes all over,

inside, outside, just breaks the heart.

to see someone so strong to be gasping for air

every now and then, makes me bite my nails.

winching in pain everytime he tries to change his

laying position. having a hard time falling asleep.

When visitors are in, he could afford that brave smile.

plenty of jokes, some laughter,

telling people the docters are 'charging' his body with turbo,

but when everyone left, behind the curtain,

i know i see someone shouting in pain.

that's the strong Amran I know.

others might not feel what i do, i dont know.

if you care for someone this much,

you'd slap one painful truth across the person's face,

yet also ensure the person's not going through

ordeals alone.

with few hours of sleep, buckets of tears,

I had a pretty exhausting week.

the best nap I had was resting my head on

your thigh, listening to you reciting the iQuran.

you'll be okay soon. be less stubborn,

and you'll pull through just fine.

school aside for now, YOUR health comes first.

ilyawad.

2011-06-15T19:46:00.002+08:00

look how much we've grown.

CUTER now than before.

i may not always be next to you.

i may not always be giving you my whole attention.

i might have cancelled plans at the last minutes,

and made you feel upset.

i might get too childish or clingy,

sometimes over concerned or protective.

I might not understand you at times.

We might get on each others nerves,

disagreeing sometimes on the silliest thing.

All these is because I really do care.

I look up to you as someone who understands me,

someone who would care for me,

someone who would make me smile,

my cute bestfriend whose always confused,

never clear with what he really wants,

needing me to draw the map of life out for him,

with that adorable confused face.

I know the strong soul in you is able

to take any blows. Be strong and move along.

Im here for a hug of comfort and listening ears.

I hope Im still the girl whom you look upon to,

flushes away your troubles just by seeing this face,

and am still your source of motivation and strength.

you will always be the precious boy to me

whom i've done numerous silly things with,

seen the most hideous and weakest side of me,

and the most wonderful bestfriend even 20 years

down the road.

I love you and will always do dunkin'. (:

2011-06-08T22:27:00.003+08:00

lungs viral infection spread to collarbone .

gastric flu.

and stress.

thanks for the company to the doc Azlan.

wouldnt have made it there in one piece

without the company.

i saw with my own eyes back then,

now i see it coming again.

Prove me wrong, if I'm worth

something to you.

2011-06-07T21:40:00.003+08:00

tempat bermanja.

i miss that one night, just letting my hairs down,

talked my heart out, laughed my ass off,

food cooked for me when i cried 'zul aku lapar....'

drinks poured for me when i went 'dee aku hauss....'

prawns kopek'ed for me when i went 'saiful...nk udang..'

a space for me to nap when i complained 'saiful aku ngntok...'

a song played for me when i begged 'ayid main ukelele pls..'

just a group of people who would literally entertain

my 100% childishness. because i do entertain theirs too.

aku rindu korang.

after what seems like eternitily(?) long day

at work, went for some groceries shopping at NTUC.

carrying bags of heavy items, it reminded me of

the random JP days with Rizuwan.

Playing the 'i-know-where-this-thing-is' game.

or sometimes with Su.

having company to shop, share the load

of carrying the heavy bags.

how i miss alot of people and routines in my life. (':

thing which staggeredly(?)

spreads back to just 2 years ago

till just a few months ago,

no longer exist today.

like going out with amran almost daily,

friday nights with Enjoi,

some weekends with cliques..

the list goes on.

I just want somebody to talk to

about my day, my worries, my true feelings,

about what's in my head,

how i miss a dear friend,

how some clients made me smile,

how some made me mad,

Someone just genuinely eager

to listen attentively to my rants and and and

offer some empathy.

2011-06-03T23:22:00.005+08:00

pretty rough days at work.

but it's part & parcel of it.

it would not kill if you could speak kindly over the phone.

and not screaming at the top of your lungs.

it gets pretty scary when you have one person

screaming like a tarzan at the other side of the line.

it can be traumatising please?

it's even scarier when you're just inches away

from getting knocked down on the same day.

my days have been of the same routine of late.

just that, the encounters of the routine differs day by day.

i learn to endure it and live with it.

I learn to swallow whatever comes out from

everybody's mouth, good or bad,

with positivity.

I learn to take spoken words with a pinch of salt.

Out of a sentence, only probably a quarter of it

could be trusted, while the rest of it are just merely

plain words which probably means nothing.

I learn that, it's my choice if I want to be affected by

other's spoken words or not to be affected by it.

I realise that, at the end of each day,

it's my choice if I'm going to sleep with a smile

or a frown. Thus, I choose to give a smile,

assuring my soul it'll be a better day tomorrow.

I wanna watch Hangover 2 and Something Borrowed.

I wanna hit Nabins or Pyramid again.

I wanna go Loysel's Toy Cafe for coffee.

thanks for listening to my complaints amin.

things change. nothing remains the same all the time.

i love you, that's something that wont change.

2011-06-02T21:15:00.004+08:00

rindu sedalam pacific ocean can?

2011-06-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

because life, goes on.

2011-05-25T22:22:00.002+08:00

*alarm rings*

G : *lazing in bed* Baby, wake up sayang. Dah pagi.

B : *rub eyes* Hmm? I off today Sayang.

G : You off? Oh okay. Me too.

B : *kisses the forehead, smiling, cuddle*

G : Morning dear. (:

priceless.

2011-05-25T01:15:00.002+08:00

Graduation ceremony. chaotic at certain parts.

i felt my heart jumping, so did the rest.

shaking hands with Faris was like "Fuhh!"

alhamdulillah. as much as Abang gave a proud moment

for my parents, i managed to contribute a part from my own.

i'll miss the studio life, in fact already missing it.

the culture, the rules that we just love breaking.

the cafe we always use as excuse to stop doing work.

it's going to be a new beginning soon.

hehe. amran ishak.

im still smiling for the fact that you actually

did make my wish to see you there, come true.

though it was just for a short moment, I still wanted to go,

"awww...amran.." with a huge hug.

iLikemuch. thanks dear.

2011-05-22T22:34:00.002+08:00

On a lazy sunday with the only plan to rot at home,

and seeing piles of my clothes in the wardrobe, AGAIN,

I just felt like throwing them all into the luggage,

head to CIAS and fly to my dear ones there.

Looking through the photos, one by one,

not even skipping those candid ones,

I could clearly remember the trip to Toraja.

The bus ride wasnt that fantastic.

We made several pit stops for meal breaks.

Fajar fall sick, Mas had motion sickness,

the rest began to be restless due to the long ride.

My head began to show its tantrums.

But Vby was patient enough to attend to us.

We reached the Motel, sent Fajar to bed,

with a burning temperature, then it was

mine and Mas's turn to turn like keropok lemau in bed.

I would always, always, always remember how

Vby massaged my head with her ointment,

then applied pressure on my palms with her thumb.

And she coaxed me to have my dinner.

Always swaying, I dropped by the room after ours,

seeing Fajar shivering under the thick blanket and sweater.

I rmbred fetching my medicine box,

woke him up and giving him 2 tablets of paracetamols.

And the rest of us sat came out with the idea to do

a campfire. But Pak Tako' said he couldnt find any

woods for us. Disappointed, we decided to do it indoor anyway.

We whipped up quite a plan. Sak and Amin became the Emcees.

I was videographer. Then Pak Tako surprised us,

with a bloody campfire. I swear, it touched all of us.

it began to rain, and we ended the campfire shortly.

not wanting to waste the night away, some of us

sat around the table and we took turns telling about our life.

I could still clearly remember, squatting down with kak'sul,

outside their room, lighted sticks each.

When we're done, we went to wake Fajar up for another

medication.

It was quite a night, fighting the tremblings in the head.

I recall, Mr Tan saying that I should sleep and rest

but I went against him and he knew why. (:

4 months to go. I hope to see Vby & Fajar again.

comes 2013, we shall fly there to meet them.

rawrr. I cant wait for the boys to end their NS.

Im saddened the handphone chain came off days ago.

I just want to be there. Tranquility.

Being in Pasaka, after a warm shower,

comfortably in my sweater, Pak Taufik

invited me to sit with them, with hot coffee

and the familiar smell of ikan bakar.

then at 2am, it was us kids lying on the ground,

watching the stars, hearing the dogs barked.

something unusual happened which sent all of us

running into the house. Fajar guarded while we slept.

but I woke up seeing him fast asleep on the floor next to sul and Cheng.

sardine. priceless moments.

memories. i miss.

2011-05-22T00:23:00.002+08:00

Sudden exhaustion probably due to adapting

the new waking up and sleeping hours daily

for the past 3 week.

Thank you for entertaining my childish cravings

for waffles since days ago.

Lesser time spent together, more moments to

miss one another. Cute kan? (:

Flash-light dinner with tarts and noodles was awesome.

((:

May the road be smooth sailing ones for all of us.

Hang on tough.

kerna kau teristimewa.

2011-05-16T21:17:00.003+08:00

'When we touch in the dark

Baby you blow my mind

Wish I could freeze

You & Me

In this moment in time..'

-Sky is the limit.

the alarm disturbed my monday morning,

blasting the song. geram saje..

if there's one thing I remember about Sunday,

it was being under the moonlight with you.

2011-05-15T12:37:00.002+08:00

missing makassar.

Thanks Dee. Thanks Yanee. Thanks Ana. Thanks Ria.

Thanks Zul, Maf, Syahid, Hazri & Saiful.

Also Ifwat & 'Apek'.

I had an awesome night crapping till daylight.

Great non-stop food, music, talks.

1am games till sunrise.

red arms which almost everyone goes home with.

couldnt afford to catch a wink thanks to

being next to a cacing kerawit..geram saje.

saiful is the big bully of the night. claydote betol. =/

i'll miss this but I know it'll happen again. (:

Usuals.

2011-05-14T01:40:00.002+08:00

upper cartilage and nape piercings. fuhh. ((:

weekends is here again! Friday night was well spent.

with love at starbucks. it was just a short one.

nothing feels long if its only from 7pm.

caramel frappe just ends the night right.

the haze really blurs the vision & darkens

the surroundings. bus & train rides home

made me more sleepy.

work has been fine. real fine.

the efforts put in today is the results of tomorrow.

let's just put it in a simple way.

it's do-able.

The Usuals in less than 24hrs time.

I can scream can I?

usuals.usuals.usual.usuals.usuals.

i miss besty and my brothers.

evening. (:

it takes a simple Hello to kick-start a

catch-up chat. or a simple comment on

the status. all the arts of bringing someone's

defense wall down. Wan2345, a legendary figure.

it was nice catching up with you.

there goes the 'bear-share' days.

i miss being in makassar.

for real. i wish to wake up being in the

Hassanuddin Airport, opening my eyelids

to see familiar faces of theirs. I have yet

to fix the star which came apart from my hp charm

in krp. tsk.

gdnight lover.

2011-05-10T00:39:00.006+08:00

tonight..

i miss you like a child misses her blanket.

i miss the random hugs.

i miss the verbal words of advice, the verbal nags.

i miss the pats on the back.

i miss the frequent late night calls.

i miss the nights i accompanied you otp while you were working.

i miss randomly appearing under your block with your fav drink.

i miss having lunch with you.

i miss coffee dates with you.

i miss stargazing and viewing sunsets with you.

i miss trying to get my lips dry while you sped the engine.

i miss playing the gigantic things at Science Centre with you.

i miss picnics with you.

i miss having ice cream and watching kites with you.

i miss hearing you go 'syaaaa..layankan please?'

i miss hearing you whine.

i miss hearing you talk about all the girls you know.

(i dont mind. im still the best bf i know.)

i miss dinner at gap with you & enjoi.

i miss *blinkpoutedlips*ing at you.

i miss watching kapal with you.

i miss having you to push me on the gigantic swing.

i miss waking up to random fb msgs.

i miss that asdhieuhfwe face you always make.

i miss the vanilla scent that used to accompany my sleepless nights.

i miss the familiar scent.

i miss the hands that always holds mine and says 'dont give up'.

i miss being pampered like a small girl sometimes.

i miss getting chupa chups from you.

i miss seeing that smile.

i miss shutting my eyelids tight & holding my breath & you go "oii! daah.."

i miss walking aimlessly with you.

i miss the funs we had under the rain.

I miss going to places we used to go.

I miss the random meet ups, being selekeh but still meeting.

I miss window shopping with you.

I miss nagging at you and going "amran..."

i miss talking about anything with you.

i miss hearing you say things which doesnt make sense.

i miss giving you random questions on life.

i miss playing at the playground with you.

i miss hearing about your weekly elective art module.

the paintings, the clay, the wire, the journal.

i miss seating next to you in the car and see you lost your way.

i miss trying to longboard while you held my hand.

i miss watching tv at Suf's house with you & enjoi.

i miss having you snuggle up next to me at times you feel down.

i miss what we had on new year's eve to new year's morning.

i miss having HORLICKS ICE with you. ):

i miss whining to you about how scared i am to

enter public toilets.

i miss the times when i cried, i looked up in the next few

moments, to see you there with a smile and open arms.

(i can be a cry baby at times, i know)

i miss watching you bowl.

i miss that inhaler of yours.

i miss hugging your bag and napping while waiting for you.

i miss acting out scenarios of different ages with you.

i miss the poems we shared.

i miss alot of things, especially tonight when ure fast asleep.

my bestfriend. my inspiration. soul.

indah like pelangi. iLike. (:

2011-05-07T10:37:00.002+08:00

Friday evening at Bedok Camp for bro's

14th Mono 3rd Battalion Guards ORD parade.

it went rather smoothly, ending with quite a bang,

marching out with the auld lang syne track,

with cheers and whistles from fellow guardsmen loved ones.

must have been one of the proudest for them,

and the families.

there was quite a chaos everywhere when families

were allowed to the parade ground to join the guardsmen.

Cameras, Videos, flashes, cheers, pats on the back and

much more to be described. The best we could get

is this, with the three close buddies and their families.

2 years have gone so fast.

read amin's blog. I miss them.

have yet to find the good time to hang out again.

apart from seeing ama every few days that is.

so amin, be contented with the company of ChengXChongX ok?

for now that is. we ll meet up soon, hopefully before grad. (:

yang penting, rindu mak.

rindu mak syarahan. mak masak.

alot. those times..

i miss fiddling with my helix piercings. )':

and hanging out @ Nabins or Pyramid or Ambrosia. ):

it's fine. time will come. (:

2011-05-05T23:43:00.002+08:00

'if you cant make yourself smile, then make other's smile.' -Abdullah.

back to the days of sharing some portion of

kindness, care and concern to seek some

happiness and comfort for my ownself. (:

my world dont evolve around a being.

people change. people come, people go.

people change, without noticing.

well..swallow it.

Friday. Abang ORD. time flies.

seems like its only few months ago I stepped onto

Victory parade square.

heading there again 2morrow evening.

already so layu after throwing up for 5 times.

i miss enjoi. hmm.

& i want to watch Fast and Furious & Something Borrowed.

Dropped by CSM with Ronnie for lunch.

it's nice to see them again though it's only been 4 days.

seeing them grow. Seeing Botak & Andy. Nurul & Jen.

I miss the laughters of the BBQ days. Months have passed.

but the laughter and screams still lingers. (:

tired of brooding over it.

the more i think, probably the more insane i'd get.

the weak I become, the more I'd get step all over.

being firm and harsh at times might just make

people realise that I am someone not to mess

around or taken for granted with.

so it's just back to drowning myself in work,

chill out after work with the close ones.

time for bed.

selamat malam dunia. (:

2011-05-04T23:35:00.003+08:00

after so long, Im looking forward to a weekend break.

Fridays filled up with different commitments.

azlan's touching down on the 31st May.

looking forward BUT. I hope there's lesser of the

Tug-of-War game this time round.

Sadly, I promised I'd spend time with all of them

on their vacation here BUT, I'd be tied down to work, again.

will find the time. upon Sarah's arrival.

Work. I shall not comment much since

it hasn't really started. But it's a new experience gained.

investments. stock markets. property.

interest rates. something alien BUT worth knowing about.

process of re-organising my life.

might take months but I'll get there.

one step at a time. I can.

looking forward to 10june.

till then.

specialsomeone.

2011-05-02T22:28:00.002+08:00

practically what I do every night.

back to the head pains days.

please have mercy dear sinus.

fainting spells.

dont want to be fainting outside.

lalalalalala.

I smell june. I hope the 2nd half of the year

is something to look forward to.

BF. (: keep smiling. Im near you.

2011-04-30T01:37:00.003+08:00

Bring me back to those days.

Everytime I couldnt sleep, I would look through

all the photos in the laptop and FB albums especially

those taken in Makassar.

When I was facing shits alone, that was the place

where I found back my soul, where I found peace

in a foreign land with whom used to be just strangers.

Where I was accepted as who I was, good and bad.

Where I got pampered, taken care by,

given the chance to look out for the rest,

where I witnessed a blanket of stars above me.

Where I experience what Singapore couldnt afford

to offer me that much.

Where we sat around a table, shared a hell load of

our tormented love experiences.

Where I know, wherever I was, whatever I did,

whoever I was, there's a bestfriend who would

stand by me.

Just fucking bring me back to those days.

begini salah. begitu silap.

tak ada yang betul.

2011-04-27T01:35:00.003+08:00

Lost in the still night awaiting dawn,

Drowned in the silence in this solid cube,

Only the sound of rhythmic breaths,

Echoes right back into the ears.

Lost in the thoughts of my wonders,

It doesn't feel right without you here.

As the world spins and the moon shines,

My thoughts run on the treadmill of the mind.

Am I the only one who feels the fear,

Of standing alone acting on the world's theater,

Feeling helpless without anybody near,

Yearning for somebody to hear.

Am I the only one who feels the misery,

Afraid to lose those dear to me,

Working hard to earn some money,

I wish life has some ecstacy.

Am I the only one who feels the emotions,

All mixed up leading to hesitation,

Searching hard for life's justification,

Leads me, time & again to exhaustion.

I turned to face the flame on the candle,

burning some familiar scent that I love.

The dancing fire reflected on the window pane,

Reminds me there's more in Life for me to gain.

I see the shimmer of hope,

I see the glimmer in the light.

There is nothing that I can't cope,

Neither any obstacle that one can't fight.

Live life at its moment,

Feel Love as your heart skips a beat,

Smile when the going gets tough,

Be who you were born to be,

For everyone is created for its own reasons.

Never lose hope as long as the sun keeps rising,

Day & night, just keep pushing.

Discover the joy in life,

Treasure the Love you have thus far,

Keep walking cause it's never the end,

Someone's there to hold you hand.

Because you're never alone.

& I know I'm not too.

0237hrs.

.I.Love.You.And.Will.Always.Do.

2011-04-25T21:33:00.005+08:00

'padang bola sangat luas
pergi main pagi-pagi
party that time tak puas
bile kite nak pegi lagi???'

- Mira

haha. the party like a rawkstar moment.

I MISS THE GIRLS.

soon soon. real soon girls.

Watched Rio with Ama last week.

Then Arthur with Kakak and Syamil few days back.

I'm aiming for Scream 4, Something Borrowed & Summer Begins.

Jika ada hamba Allah di luar sana teringin nak menonton,

ring me up! (:

Have yet to finish watching No Strings Attached and

Confessions of a Shopperholic.

Met up with some of the childhood kids last night.

Everybody was late, had dinner at Mac with Izuwan

and there you go..all the updates.

a great laugh.

& when the rest came, time fly by.

Got nagged by ayah on the phone but well, what's new.

The only way to get out of the situation is, to keep cool.

Ama was random enough to text on FB early in the morning.

Then came Ateeqs. and then Su.

Just had a short catch up session with her,

like the good old times. Sitting on the bed,

sipping ice drinks, listening to each other.

Then came a legendary name : Farhan Amran.

Who popped up in msn reminding me he owes me Starbucks,

since a gawddamnfreaking few years ago. 3 years?

it's okay. free drinks, on the first pay then. (:

Surprisingly there are quite a number of people who still

does follow my blog frequently, those who used to be

real close to me.

it's a lazy monday.

home alone.

I wonder why the shooting head pains

havent been gone since 3 days ago.

fcking hurts, and annoying.

terima kasih amin & ateeqs sedia menemani.

silap sekecil debu

dipandang sebesar bumi

salah setapak kuman

dipandang langkah gergasi

2011-04-22T02:25:00.003+08:00

sometimes I let my imagination run wild.

too far off and cry to sleep.

sometimes I get nightmares.

too frightening I got woken up.

sometimes I imagine things that wont happen in reality.

an imagination that wont come true.

sometimes I wish certain emotions dont exist.

but its something against my control.

sometimes I wish history dont exist.

but it's something that moulds the future.

sometimes I wish there's just you and me.

but that would make the world so empty.

sometimes..

2011-04-18T00:32:00.006+08:00

hati memberontak minda bercelaru,

jiwa bergelora tidak siapa yang tahu.

berbumbungkan langit, beralaskan bumi,

aku menjejaki jalan hidup yang beronak duri.

sopan santunku seharum bunga,

tutur bahasaku seindah pelangi,

aku dilahirkan dengan hati yang mulia,

bukan untuk dihiris dengan tajam belati.

dunia ini hanya sketsa semata-mata,

yang nyata ia pinjaman Tuhan buat sementara,

diciptakan makhluk berjenis rupa,

untuk berlakon di pentas dunia.

dikurniakan mata untuk melihat,

dikurniakan hati untuk menilai,

bukan dinilai sekadar kelemahan,

tapi didorong dalam kesusahan.

yang indah tidak kekal buat selamanya,

yang di namakan harta itu adalah pinjaman Tuhan buat sementara.

Yang ku kejar bukanlah wang ringgit semata-mata..

tapi ketenangan yang ingin

ku kecap di bumi yang nyata.

2011-04-17T12:06:00.003+08:00

I know Amran would reaaaally do this if he could. (:

I'd be speechless then.

How I wish Life is like a tape recorder with the rewind, stop,

pause & fastforward buttons, equipped with a microphone

jack insertion point, a set of speaker and also the battery slots

plus the wire plug. Why? Imagine Life as the gadget itself.

Having alternative ways of operating, either by battery or electricity.

a back up life support I should say.

insert the tape into the gadget, and let it run on its own.

Able to be Paused, and continued later. Rewind to the memories

that we keep missing and Fastforward during the stormy weathers.

If I could Rewind my life, I would hit the play button right at

where I had my Secondary school days. If I could overwrite certain parts and

re-record, I would.

Uncle's words of wisdom..

'Life is unfair sometimes. Remember this, Sayang...There will be a lot of people that will walk in and out of your life throughout your lifetime but only some will leave footprints in your heart. To keep your mind off someone is easy but wiping off their footprints from your heart is not. The day that he or she walked away is the day you should too. It's not just because you're hurting inside, it's just that there's no more reasons to stay. When the door of happiness closes, another opens. Very often we looked at the closed door without looking at the one that’s opened.
Apalah guna ke bendang kalau padi seberang takkan menjadi. Apalah guna kasihkan orang kalau kasihmu orang tak sudi.Kalau orang tak mahu, janganlah pungguk merayu pada sang bulan.Janganlah menanggung rindu pada si dia sampai menangis kesiangan.Cubalah ubat luka sendiri walaupun parutnya terpandang juga.Semuanya ini hanya membuat hati gundah gulana, jiwa bergelora dan fikiran bercelaru saja.
Don’t let these things ruin you day.
That’s life, Sayang. Renungkanlah.
Love Uncle Adi.'

'When the door of happiness closes, another opens. Often we look at the closed door without looking at the one that's being opened. You're the strong but not a pushover type of person, Sayang.You fight for what you believe in for those you love. You help others although you expect nothing return except for common courtesy and respect. I believed in you, Sayang. Cheer up, okay?.
I miss you. :)'

2011-04-12T00:09:00.002+08:00

"Keep yourself firm to the ground.

Keep breathing till peace is found.

Nothing changes your best principles.

You wont fail any hurdles.

Nothing changes you.

Nobody brings down the strong you.

Strengthen your soul.

Tame your mind.

Peace your heart.

Negatives to be discard.

You are the best."

2011-04-11T10:56:00.003+08:00

a cranky sick girl yesterday.

mane tak..takde orang layan.

if it's a baby, the baby would be crying whole day.

well its me.

as much as I keep sick people entertained,

giving almost a full attention and concern,

I do want a little bit of affection when Im

feeling the most discomfort in me.

it's not expecting a return or such.

it's just, 'oh come on...will somebody entertain this sad girl?'

ah like that..nevermind. i survived the day.

watched Criminal Minds from 7pm-9pm.

munched on a bar of kitkat.

gulped down 4 panadols in desperation to get rid of pain.

and off to lala land, waking up almost every 1 hour.

when life begins to turn into a routine,

i start to question.

am i on the right track.

am i achieving happiness while eating up

another person's source of happiness?

tired of thinking.

humans. some are cunning.

causing hurt while wanting to achieve something,

being fucking selfish and in the end still not

being apologetic. karma will bite you in the ass.

2011-04-10T17:23:00.002+08:00

who would have thought that someone would go to the extend

of coming down for an hour just to satisfy my cravings for ice cream?

Thanks dear. You added colours to my saturday

like a pelangi. (:

supposed to be working a full shift.

i'm apologetic for being selfish for not turning

up especially with no cover for evening shift.

but body's breaking. flat like vegetable. I need a 24hrs snooze.

Cik Yusri is going to open-table for the family.

Whoots. Makan besar. iLike. iMiss.

it'll be like a class excursion then.

Tok SantaClause admitted to SGH.

hopefully he recovers fast, insya'allah.

I exhausted. no idea why.

That'll be all for now.

I still miss Clique-5.

cuddle like no tomorrow.

2011-04-09T01:25:00.002+08:00

Graduation night is over.

I have not much to blog about.

Tired after a day at work.

I miss being in school.

but I look forward to a temporal working life.

I miss boycute for god knows what reason,

when I have actually stared at the face

just few hours ago. ishk2.

I want to go on a real break.

away from the hustle & bustle of city life.

enclosed with nature, the sun, the beach.

with a company.

There's many plans in mind.

It just need some time, some luck,

and perseverance for all of it to soar up

and take flight.

iloveyou.

2011-04-03T03:37:00.002+08:00

when the sun touches the horizon,

it marks the coming of nightfall.

life is good.

pretty much hay wire here and there.

if there's one big thing I need to learn,

it'll be to stop blaming myself for everything

that turns out wrong when im not the only one

at fault to begin with.

When Harry meets sally & 500 days of summer

greeted my morning and ended my night.

Love like those in the movies dont happen in reality

that often. if there's the spark, it just happens.

but what matters most is, Im happy when you're next to me.

life's still a long journey.

I still want to bungee jump. be on a backpacking trip.

be in Venice. and swing by Africa and experience it myself.

being laid back on the beaches of Australia.

all these, with a true companion next to me.

4.15am. sitting on my bed, wide awake still.

sometimes doing little gestures/thoughts just slip off people's minds.

and most of the time, never expect people to be as capable as

your ownself. probably you can do it but others cant.

vice versa.

again, i wonder. whose there for you when

you can't sleep at 3am in the wee hours

and need just some smiles to company you to sleep,

other than yourself and God?

nobody else at most of the time.

I miss the clique.

fuck.

im angry. upset. mad. disappointed.

crying. but all that is in you is egoism and hatred.

fuck you.

buat yang tersayang..

'Imajin aku radiomu

Intermisionku orbit untukmu
Iramaku rekord khas hiburanmu
Inter-planet kejora Ke marikh asmara'

2011-04-02T02:32:00.002+08:00

loved.

L_alphapha. i dont know.

their songs just sounded nice.

a fun time out with....heheh.

daiso. penin. MarinaSq. Esplanade. Helix. MBS. NUS.

thank you very much. (:

2011-03-31T01:20:00.003+08:00

see this face?

if your name is Amran Ishak,

then you're totally being missed by her.

FOC suddenly seems like BMT camp.

hehe. FU. make me miss camps...

sayang kau. come home soon. (:

okay. this post is solely for this.

be honoured k.

hehehe.

2011-03-30T09:59:00.002+08:00

Thankyou K'Win, Vby, & FjrCiputraDegil

for the gift, flown all the way in from Makassar.

I love you people to bits.

But really, I wasn't expecting a gift from you people.

It was just a simple birthday note for yasmin

that I requested for. but nevertheless,

Makasih untuk kadox. tetap kangen bintang2.

'Go shawty. it's ur birthday..!'

let the pictures do more of the talking.

headed to sentosa for a Mexican theme birthday.

it attracted a lady's attention whereby she

came to ask what we were doing. haha.

credits goes to amazumira for their creative idea.

nonetheless, everybody played a part in making

the event a success. i like. (:

great tuesday.

im late for work.

but still sleepy. i miss diana & kakak.

stopppp running on the threadmill.

play hide & seek would be better.

i love you. (:

2011-03-27T05:46:00.003+08:00

it was a saturday.

what a saturday it was.

if I could record the whole day on a video cam,

I would have done so, so that his future children could see

the efforts we have put in, in trying to surprise

their daddy for a birthday celebration.

to the extent of a 'house break-in'.

with plans or without plans, the boys would

just make the day end pretty nicely.

backfired plans? no worries. think on the toes

and come up with new ones to fill up the day.

went to WCP for a mini picnic/kite flying session.

sparkling juice, cake, grapes, kite and Instax camera.

not to forget the clear sky filled with stars and kites.

drove up to Gap for dinner where the Mama welcomed

as warmly as his regular customers.

down to Rochester Park and then to Sime Rd.

lastly, a drive back home.

I pray, many years down the road,

to see you boys still sticking as one,

comes what may. I believe in that.

& of course, Ladies Enjoi.

thanks for the mini book.

hehehe. I was too engrossed reading it.

but forced myself to slow down.

so that I have more pages to read, few days in the week.

I had a great evening.

I had a wonderful Friday night too.

although it was a short meet up,

at least I learnt that boys do spray water

all over the toilet when they get bored. heh.

the masam2 baby, my bestfriend.

he taught me not to hate.

he taught me self-control.

he taught me that I am always the Best.

rekindling human ties is better than

leaving it to rot. you might never know

what would happen years down the road.

probably you might need the person's help.

whatever the reason is, it's for good cause.

Islam reminds us to forgive and make peace.

& I love the way he tries his best to

make things better between whoever it is.

it doesnt put me at the losing end right?

at least, I know I tried..

I learnt.

Blowing up at every mistakes will just

end your day wrong. jumping up

and down at every misery would just exhaust

yourself further. harming yourself would

just make your loved ones worry and pain you more.

holding your pride and ego too high will just build

a thicker wall around you, creating a distance among

your loved ones.

self-control. go out. breathe.

dont think if you can't yet.

distractions. Have fun,in the right way.

but self-control.

He dont teach directly, just his ways

of living & constant reminders

which I picked up along the way.

I learnt.

nobody can belittle you.

When you think you are the best,

then you are definitely the best.

In all that you do, work, love, life.

never feel demoralized. never feel belittle.

don't compare yourself with others,

because you are your own weakness & strengths.

you are your being, you are the best.

I learnt.

thankyou ((:

many more things..

next post I guess.

____________________________________

diana, hafiz, ateeqs, kakak & abang, syuk, daya, aynn, syamil :

it's been long. let me get this week over and done with.

cut-off day calls for a meet up. diana, no worries.

I'll come by and visit soon. speedy recovery.

2011-03-24T08:37:00.002+08:00

Amin. Reading your blog teared me up.

it just keeps flowing. and flowing.

however hard I tried to stop it.

emotional wreck.

I could clearly recall the last few days..

the final laps, the constant push.

I tell myself to wake up from makassar dream.

but I keep wishing Im there, stayed there, always there.

and not here. never here.

again, I just feel like grabbing a ticket off the counter

and head there this very moment and leave

every single damn thing here behind.

you're most welcome. in fact there is no

need for thanks between friends like us.

we have each others backs.

it's a blessing, still.

__________________________________________

want to rip off my heart and brain and leave it

in the freezer to freeze and numb.

small. worthless. nobody.

fucked up. topsy turvy. nightmares.

cold. frown. tears. losing hope.

sick. exhausted.

just vocabs.

spent the night thinking.

punching the wall.

thinking again. get myself composed.

tucked to bed. and back to hitting the wall.

to get rid of the tingling feeling

on the nerves of the heart.

fell asleep.

spent the morning in bed reading

1000 over worth of sms in the inbox.

read. teared at some. smiled at some.

laughed at some. teared again.

together with a smile.

"on the threadmill of my mind."

2011-03-23T00:27:00.002+08:00

this is just a dream.
Im in a dream, within a dream.
But it cant be so,
I can feel my knuckles & head hurt.
I can see bruises and spots.
It cant be a dream. But im in bed.
But it cant be a dream.
A strong girl don't go hysteric like i felt just now.

Am i just hallucinating? Where is he?
I miss him. I miss us. I miss the smiles.
i think he's sleeping..but it felt like so
long since we last talked. But the back
of my head hurts bad. It cant be.

please come back home.

2011-03-22T08:20:00.004+08:00

i don't feel myself.

i don't know what to feel.

i passed. alhamdulillah.

still, I don't feel excited about it.

the most important person to be shared with,

is just nowhere near.

it was another scary night.

sleepless.

I wonder where I stand now.

probably, not even anywhere near you.

sometimes it just sucks to be judged based

on one thing. people no longer value the heart.

so things just falls apart one after another.

what's next.

i dont think I should be anywhere near you, your life.

you.

deserve better.

someone, who is worth more than me.

ilyawad.

2011-03-21T01:30:00.001+08:00

miss

staring

into your eyes.

selamat malam dunia.

selamat malam sayang.

2011-03-19T01:42:00.002+08:00

the week went by pretty fast.

seems like it was only yesterday I smelt the

familiar scent of you. I don't know why,

but you just seem to be more special,

day by day. is this what they call, Love?

i tried drawing the thin line in between,

fearing I'd fall in too deep

and ends up hurting badly one day,

but..well..

what's amazing, it's you. what's perfect, it's you.

what's warmth, it's you. what's cure, it's you.

what's friends, it's you. what's love, it's you.

what's the reason,

it's still a mystery.

the thin line seems impossible.

this, is for someone..

whose morning calls,

made me smile with my eyes tightly shut.

whose late night calls,

made me giggle with my eyes tightly shut.

sayang kamu, sunggoh.

_________________________________

movie marathon friday.

evening with Besty and Yanee&Zul.

how much i miss them.

and how funny bro looked, with the bald head.

but still, he's the dude.

the wonderful brother I miss.

2011-03-18T04:25:00.002+08:00

Im blessed with a supportive family,

caring friends, wonderful cliques,

a lovable cute special someone and

amazingly, a great best friend.

my days have been spent with visiting dee,

work, counting down the days for him to actually be back.

life's good. work's hectic on some days.

periods can really get on my nerves.

it's killing me, the cramps are just

ioquehjkdniuh fucking painful even to this minute.

urgh. i'd rather live with gastric or blade cuts.

okay that is sadistic.

twenty. no. im twenTEEN.

but yet, let's face up to reality.

ten years down the road.

what it's gonna be?

Will I still be seeing these familiar faces?

in just a year, a minor thing turns it into

a major one. no more familiar gatherings.

no more familiar jokes. it's just incomplete.

I just fucking hate you for doing this.

I miss the clique. meeting ateeqs and dee,

also hafiz in the past few days..

sets me thinking.

How long, how far, how bad things will turn to be.

what happened to Clique-5?

what happened to Enjoi?

10 years down the road.

what if you are no longer somewhere near me?

what if I am no longer the pillar of yours?

what if things change?

Im just scared to think.

Thanks Dee. I owe you one.

you understood well.

I love you.

time for bed.

i love you, and will always do.

because every time, feels like our first.

2011-03-14T02:43:00.002+08:00

health failing. but mind says go.

im in a dilemma of deciding whether to

continue studies right away or..to continue

working, on a stable job that is.

and no solution have arose since days ago.

10 10 10 10..

CSM is beginning to be my 2nd home again.

this time round much more tiring.

it was..hell last two nights.

at now at 2.48am, im still awake.

i miss the clique, as a whole.

but I guess it's for time to tell already.

I dont ditch friends. but somebody did.

that's pretty much like ditching the whole clique.

not thinking long term at that point of time?

sad. you clicked the button without giving thorough thoughts.

what's done, can never be undone, unlike

computer programs.

she's gone, takkan kembali.

now well, that line really strikes back for you.

I wish you the best in life.

enough said on that.

I've got good company at KBBQ.

but im already starting to complain of exhaustion.

yeah. dinner is hell.

its alright. for the sake of 150 hours.

you. be back soon.

"cause everytime I touch your hands,

I could feel your powers running through

my veins."

-yourcutebestfriendnextdoor.

2011-03-12T00:21:00.002+08:00

"love is not about the -i miss you-

or the -i love you-

or the hugs & kisses.

It's about the chills that hits every part

of your spine when you think about him."

i miss you special someone.

come home soon. <3

2011-03-11T12:00:00.002+08:00

Pada suatu malam seperti hari sebelumnya, hujan turun membasahi halaman rumahku yang sempit. .
Aku seorang diri lagi. . =(
Aku tak tahan dan bertanya pada langit. .

“Langit!! Mengapa engkau tak menampakkan bintangmu?”
“Apakah mereka sudah lengah?”

Langit tetap saja terdiam

“Langit!! Tolong jawab pertanyaanku!!”
“Mengapa engkau diam saja??”
“Akankah engkau juga tak peduli?”

Aku ulangi pertanyaan itu hingga pipi meronaku basah,

bukan karena air hujan tapi air mata yang tak dapat dibendung sedari tadi. .
Tiba-tiba. .
Suara lirih datang menyapa. .

“Mengapa engkau begitu marah kepadaku??”
“Ahh. .!? Engkaukah itu Sang Bintang??”
“Yaa. .Ini aku?! Sang Bintang yang tak pernah

berniat meninggalkanmu barang sedikit pun. .”
“Mmmana mungkin? Engkau baru saja meninggalkanku! Engkau jahat!”
“Haha. . Jahat? Apa buktinya?”
“Buktinya sudah cukup jelas, beberapa hari ini aku sering

menunggumu di sini, berharap engkau datang menghibur dan menemani malamku. .”
“Haha. .”
“Mengapa engkau tertawa? Engkau senang melihat aku menderita tanpamu?”
“Wahh. .bukan itu maksud aku. . Aku juga sangat merindukan senyumanmu! Sumpah!!”
“Lalu? Jika rindu, mengapa tak datang? Bukankah itu lebih baik?”
“Kan ada hujan yang menemani malammu? Bukankah engkau pun menyukai hujan?

Bukankah selama ini hujan selalu membuatmu ceria?

Bukankah setelah hujan akan ada pelangi yang selalu menghiasi langit?

Bukankah engkau sangat mengagumi pelangi? Hujan dan pelangi juga kawanku. .”
“Mmmm. . .”

“Sayang. . Aku tak pernah meninggalkanmu. . Aku selalu ada untukmu,

selalu ada di dekatmu walau pun engkau tak pernah melihatku. .

Yaa. . engkau tak pernah melihatku karena awan menutupiku. .

Tapi aku melihatmu di balik awan itu, dan jika engkau bisa mengontrol perasaanmu,

engkau pun bisa melihatku. . Dan kita pastinya dapat bermain bersama. . “

“Kalau begitu, hapus saja awannya! Biar tak ada penghalang diantara kita. .”
“Sekali lagi, Engkau masih menggunakan egomu sayang. .”
“Mmmmm. . .??”

“Tahukah engkau, mengapa ada rongga diantara paru-parumu? Agar engkau bisa bernafas lega. .

Atau mengapa harus ada spasi diantara kata per kata yang engkau tuliskan?

Agar tulisanmu indah, bisa dibaca dan mempunyai makna. .

Bukankah kita baru bisa bergerak jika ada jarak? Dan saling menyayangi bila ada ruang?

Kasih sayang akan membawa dua orang saling berdekatan,

tapi ia tak ingin saling mencekik, jadi ulurlah tali itu. .

Jiwa tidaklah dibelah tapi bersua dengan jiwa lain yang searah,

jadi jangan lumpuhkan aku dengan mengatasnamakan kasih sayang. .

Pegang tanganku, tapi jangan terlalu erat karena aku ingin seiring dan bukan digiring. .

Yaa. . seperti itulah kita. . Kali ini, engkau akan paham akan kata-kataku sayang. .”

Sejenak aku tertegun. .
Sang Bintang begitu sayang padaku. .
Walau terpisah oleh jarak. . Sang Bintang tetap memperhatikanku. .

“Yaa. . Kali ini aku paham! Jarak itu, rongga itu, spasi itu. ,

semua bermakna. . Terima kasih Bintang, engkau memang penerang bagi hidupku. .”
“You are welcome! Aku ada karena engkau ada kan. .?” =)
“So? Apa yang akan kita lakukan?”
“Bagaimana kalau kita bernyanyi? Mengikuti irama hentakan hujan?”
“Wahh. . Good idea!! Dan setelah itu, keesokan harinya,

aku akan melihat pelangi menyambut pagi. . Itu akan membuat hariku semakin berwarna. .”

“Ingatlah sayang. . Sang Bintang tak akan pernah meninggalkanmu. .

Tak pernah tidur. . Selalu melihatmu di siang dan malam. .

Selalu menjagamu walau engkau tak sadar. . Kerlipan itu hanya untukmu. .”

hasil karya : Vby Febrianty Utami

20.4.2010

rindu amran.

2011-03-09T09:16:00.002+08:00

after weeks of hard work and tiredness from school,

social pressure, work, money, complaints, etc.

we had a day out to spend the time together.

no complaints, no whining.

just living in the every moment.

tuesday. awesome tuesday we had.

the you. the me. rounding rounding.

from day to night.

got lost a few times, helplines at some times,

but it was worth the try and sweat.

the weather has been nice to us.

except for the sunset which was blocked by the clouds.

but what matters is,

the company and the talks.

thank you very much for the day out.

every moment felt like the first.

from botanics to buangkok to changi

to dover to pioneer.

the sunset view from the boardwalk

was an -Okay- due to being blocked by

the clouds. still nice though.

and the credits goes to the monster.

bringing us to every corner that we went.

you. F1 heartbeat. loved.

2011-03-06T13:07:00.002+08:00

when you have to distract yourself from negativity,

you surround yourself with love

and make yourself smile.

i'll be the strong girl you want me to be.

this is what I've made for you last night at gran's.

i had fun, writing the alphabets of your name. heh.

sweet. i know. haha.

had coldrock with this brat.

donut & midnight cookies & cream.

with malteasers, wafers, brownies.

heaven.

planned for supper at simpang.

but nobody had the balls to text papa & ayah.

haha. headed home.

curled up in bed almost pulling out my ears.

it hurts bad, padan muka kau. degil.

fall asleep, woke up, asleep,

texting amran. heh.

Life's good. it keeps revolving.

I just have to stay positive and keep smiling.

be kind though it gets me close to danger

most of the times.

because, being kind, gaji di akhirat nanti. (:

insya'allah.

next few days would be great.

today with ateeqs, fiz, syuk, kakak & abg, at daya's bday.

monday with yasmin for a hush2 project.

and dinner with sisterhood.

tuesday with amran ishak.

wed thurs work.

fri sat off.

2011-03-05T00:36:00.002+08:00

what a day.

muhammad syamil, if you're reading this,

i am pissed annoyed mad irritated and

have no patience in entertaining

the melodramas you've been portraying.

i dont know how else to let you know.

i have to stand firm.

nothing

nothing that you do or say,

will ever, ever, bring back history.

i wont say sorry for being harsh.

because ive been nice all along.

__________________________________

close friends indeed.

2011-03-04T00:24:00.002+08:00

tired. of not doing anything.

Bear's doing better. Alhamdulillah..

meeting Kakak and Abg Ajid makes my day.

im going bonkers with these philosophical

thoughts playing around in my head.

it's march..but I dont feel the excitement.

maybe I've really gone bonkers.

love. sometimes i question.

what's love?

2011-03-03T15:00:00.004+08:00

sheesha at pyramid monthly.

rindu.

work all day, slack all night.

rindu.

esplanade every 2 weeks.

rindu.

take 10 at CSM SA.

rindu.

running to OCBC every 1st of the month.

rindu.

sunsets with amran.

rindu.

dinner with all Enjois.

rindu.

long talks with amran.

rindu.

whining like a small kid.

rindu.

the carefree life in korea.

rindu.

the pure friendship of makassar.

rindu.

I miss alot of things in my life.

Wishing I could turn back time to 2010.

I began to get sick of doing things on my own.

Tired of leading the way.

Tired of being an independent figure.

Tired of putting other's before my own.

Tired of sparing thoughts on others.

for once, I need a break,

to let the kid in me have its time.

I miss being my self.

PENAT laaaaa.

thankyou amin for letting me rant & scream at you the other day.

thankyou ayie for listening me out, im a small kid. i know.

im saddened by Bear's state.

to see ajim's sadness just adds on to the pain.

Tuhan. give us some strength.

Im worried of school's results.

I need a stable job.

I need to start paying for my laptop loan.

macam-macam yang perlu dirisaukan.

penaaaaaaaat.

comeswhatmay,iloveyou.

2011-03-01T23:39:00.002+08:00

i love you. (:

2011-02-28T11:39:00.003+08:00

penat pulak sedih2 pedih.

Dear blog. you've been a great help in

being my punching bag

for the past years. Thank you for

taking in my rants, complaints,

joy, sorrow, pain, whatever it is..

especially these few days

where I find myself talking to...

the four walls.

okay. I am officially bored and can't stand

another minute waking up with no plans in mind,

head heavy with the night's thinking.

thinking of when I can finally see the rainbow.

and eyes puffy with lack of sleep,

after a night of sms'ing to my own drafts box.

So it's all set my dear blog.

I'm working from 2mrw onwards.

I've done enough thinking for days..

I'm gonna get ready for April's interview slot.

and work with Mr Oscar for this coming month.

I saw Rizuwan the other day.

no, he saw me, and waved eggcitedly.

funny how people you seldom bump into,

suddenly gets excited at the sight of you.

I dont need anything.

They are all just wants.

i dont need this, i dont need that,

dont need this, dont need that..

I only NEED to be patient.

I dont WANT to lose you.

I only NEED to breathe.

I dont WANT to do what I know I'm capable of.

dah la munirah.

Step 3 to being a better human.

Let's practice sacrificing.

sacrificing my thoughts and wants wouldnt hurt much.

I might stumble I might fall,

but it hurts lesser than living

with the guilt of being selfish.

egos aside, give in.

that's all folks. time for a shower,

and to a corner to read.

imissYOU.

2011-02-28T01:17:00.003+08:00

first it sounded like im expecting too much.

i kept my grip.

next it sounded like im not understanding.

i gave in.

then it sounded like im clingy.

i held back my tears.

then it sounded like im imperfect.

i chose to breathe.

first step to being a better human :

sincerity.

breathe munirah.

I dont expect any good returns for my patience.

because I love you, the way you are.

"aku hanya seorang insan yang lemah dan tidak sempurna di matanya."

2011-02-27T13:04:00.009+08:00

dear blog. I choose to share my days and nights I had

for the past few days with you..

on thursday, went to complete my work at WCP.

had supper at Fong Seng with Suf & Nal,

and Suf spent $8.70 + $1.00 for his food.

tong sampah.

a drive home and continued doing the draggy journal.

I knew im in for a boring weekends but I couldn't

wait for the submissions to be over.

On Friday. went to school early to finish my printings and

help the rest or rather, help around with what I could so

that everyone could submit on time.

What's nice or I'd probably say, God's blessings is,

the moment me and amin dropped our works in the respective boxes,

it began to pour. All I could say was

"Alhamdullilah, the hectic days are over."

And the only best way to say cheers to it is,

going for a 'family' dinner with them.

so we bused to Cathay, still pouring heavily.

had dinner at Popeyes and we decided to head to Marina Bay sands.

by bus, with amin paying for the girl's fare.

how nice of him, right.

we were one bunch of excited kids.

we tried our best but we have the

tendencies to touch every walls,

glass, corners. feeling the texture,

complimenting each curves and lights.

it gets annoying after 10 mins

but i guess that was the foundation we had in us.

Observing architecture.

It suddenly felt like a school trip.

there was a mini indoor river in the MBS, i was like WOAH.

we went outdoor. and there suddenly were flames above the water.

and it was a fountain show. with spotlights all over, musical.

the scene was just wow. the city-scape. the lights.

I remembered blabbering to amin about how nice it was.

walked through the helix bridge. nice.

Wanted to share the excitement with you, but I guess,

it's not important.

reached home at 12. time for bed.

My boring saturday led me to CSM where I

met Chin & Chun. Abg Ronnie and Boss.

Jenna & Zimah. Perfect. I feel more like home.

I miss them like nobody knows. and jen kept pestering

me to continue working with Hafiz & Nurul,

taking the full time supervisor post.

"Now I know you & Ma'am Shidah always scold us,

make us do work, is for good cause. And it's not easy to

maintain the discipline. Come baaaack Syarifah. You must

help Boss change the situation."

I was touched. I feel that the hard work kakak have

done is actually well paid off.

I emphatize Mr Oscar. The business is doing well but the staffs,

well, short of manpower.

next stop. I met up with Suf to fetch my ezlink card.

coincidently Halim was with him.

Halim suggested we head to Farrer Road to Island Creamery

and have ice cream. well, that was one thing that made my day.

Milo Ice Cream. with Cookies And Cream.

And horlicks powder as topping.

horlicksss.

I miss ice horlicks.

wanted to mengadu, but I guess it's just a minor matter.

Well, it was a nice catch up with Halim.

And now, Im staring at the screen, wondering what to do next.

Almost had the urge to pop up at CSM and start work at 12.

but I'd rather have another day of rest.

I still feel drained out after....last night.

okay. let's just say.."demi cintaku padamu."

perit pon, telan saje..

kepala sakit. hidong sakit. badan sakit.

hati..mcm nak cabot sekejap campak dalam freezer.

you made it sound like im the desperate clingy one.

my drafts inbox is filled with unsent texts.

climbing up mount faber sounds good for a lazy sunday..

okay. till the next post.

kangenlo.

2011-02-26T10:21:00.002+08:00

well done comrades. the war is over.

i bet everyone had a good night sleep.

probably hibernation for some.

I'm glad the grey clouds have passed for me.

the 3 weeks worth of roller coaster ride almost killed me.

but I can safely say, I survived.

so the next plan I have?

I need a job.

I can't stand lazing around at home with

nothing to do.

my dear. like you told me.

perseverance is key to success.

determination is what keeps us going.

I smell March. I can't promise it's going to get easier,

but God's promise, with every hardship comes ease.

Fa inna ma'al 'usri yusra
Inna ma'al 'usri yusra

I'll be near when you need me.

As for now, I ll roam around and give you the space.

2011-02-24T21:53:00.002+08:00

the acknowledgement page of my TOD dossier.

just a day to go to mark the end of my 3rd year

in DID SP. kinda sad to end it but relieved we pulled through.

there's more to write. but I guess I shall keep it for tomorrow.

I miss my superboy.

2011-02-21T01:26:00.002+08:00

Praying hard for February to end soon.

Just to see that smile from morning to noon,

A warm hug in the cold breeze under the moon,

All I could do is wait & stay tuned.

i miss you.

i mean, you..the amran ishak that I know.

the one with the warm smile and sparkling eyes.

please dont let situation bring you down.

God..tell him I miss him bad..

I wish he knew, he made someone teared up to sleep..

Selamat malam dunia..

2011-02-19T18:49:00.002+08:00

"after a long week of speed

all I needed was you.

but all that I felt was emptiness

not understanding what's in you."

I probably miss the world since 2 weeks ago.

Major submission's over.

It's been a rough patch.

Tears & Sweat. Hunger & Pain.

not exaggerating but it's reality.

you'll never know what's happening the next second.

Laptop breaking down, Program ditching you,

Printing goes wrong, Virus infecting.

I feel the whole batch's turmoil.

We went through it together, though not physically there,

but we share the same soul every design kids do.

We deserve the best break after a week time.

Kudos DID3. Whatever shits happened,

let's pray for the best that we shall grad together.

& for the families which supported us,

a heartfelt ThankYou for the endless understanding lately.

& I just miss having you around.

Talking like we used to.

Probably it's just me, thinking too much about it.

But Ive learnt to grow up and not be a baby,

whining and complaining all about life's shit.

its a saturday break.

spent on staring at my laptop, thinking of all the smiles we had.

but at the end of the day, I'd still feel empty,

without you by my side, insecurities.

& here comes another week of full blast efforts,

chasing the dateline of 25th Feb.

I'll sit at a corner,

back to where we first shared a kiss.

2011-02-12T08:05:00.004+08:00

time check : 8.00am

mental check : stable

emotional check : annoyed, fckingly

ARGHHHHH!!

-________-

can't you just at least start my day right?

Must that be taught?

So you said we'll be friends,

and you're giving me this kind of treatment,

like as if I just touched down from outer space.

Oh come on,

Just what the fck do you want me to do.

always saying things, but never doing it the right way.

2 days ago, Bill : Money.

Yesterday morning, Grad Fund : Money.

Today 7am, Money.

Tomorrow, CAD printing : Money.

Next week, A1 Panels : $95 : Money.

Ya Allah..Dugaan..

Breathe munirah..breathe...

my sleep...urgh.

sakit nye kepala...

OKay dont think...

1 more week.

with plenty more to do.

pressure. Lost a day with no momentum.

Unproductive. Started a Saturday on the wrong side.

i just feel like URGHHH.

okay....get a grip..

look on the brighter side.

Sorry I just ranted my heart off.

Had a nice friday, no momentum.

Just seeing YOU made it a better one.

you sending me home, made it a sweeter one.

you..you..you..okay dah.

Im glad we ended each other's day right.

& proud of you, persevering the rough day.

persevered and conquered,

the disciplined and tough one.

the inspiration.

I shall not complain. Shall not complain.

Shall not complain. I shall breathe, and not complain.

If you're surviving it, there's no reason why I should be dying.

2011-02-11T02:41:00.002+08:00

productive Thursday.

PQM done. RCP done.

details. details. details.

another day of chiong'ing CAD.

been some time since I last felt this

drive to stay up and give all out for

Studio projects. It's the last one,

why not?

thankfully i have great pillars around.

just a week more to go.

and then a week more of

Journals & Crit.

and that's it for school.

Getaway shall be home for the next few days.

Coffee shall be my fling as for now.

and CAD shall be another scandal.

3D sketchup will be my 3 days lover.

and photoshop will be my next hunk next week.

and YOU, shall always be the sweetest addiction

every single day.

HEHE.

I love the way we do things together.

because at the end of everything,

it's the quality time we had that matters.

next stop : sunset & nature. (:

_______________________________________

Diana dear.

Speedy Recovery.

I Love you babe.

2011-02-10T00:25:00.002+08:00

& if you'd remember...

I had a solid 6 hours of cad.

with some more to go.

Coffee dont help much.

Since its been 2 days without enough sleep.

Renderings, Walkthrough, Details.

Still quite a lot more to go.

I shan't think but just keep pushing..

it's the last lap anyway.

A short dinner.

Seeing your smile.

Warmth of your hug.

Makes me know im not walking

through this alone, cause I've got you.

Ouh, ILOVEYOU, the picture above,

one of this blocks game I came across

at West Coast Park.

well, it's for you,

If you'd remember.

Never alone, just remember..(:

2011-02-07T01:45:00.002+08:00

time check : 0130hrs

Just got home from supper with family.

slightly before that, had a unglam slip at

the void deck and walaa! a swollen ankle.

nice.

sings "beginilah nasib diriku yang malang oh Tuhan..."

excellent Munirah.

Nak teriaaaak kuat2 tapi tak ade orang nak layan. )':

& i wonder what have the cook put in the mee kuah,

Ive been in and out of the loo thrice in half and hour.

bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga.

nak ngadu kat siape..

nangis sorang2. kecewerr.

fine. don't be a baby munirah,

you wont die. endure the aches.

2011-02-05T20:28:00.002+08:00

Friday dinner at Al-Azhar.

A short getaway at WCP watching the kites

flew high up in the sky,

gazing at stars so bright,

I wish the night didnt come to an end.

Then it wouldn't bring me to a mundane

Saturday fcked up saturday.

2011-02-03T02:36:00.002+08:00

thanks for being a great company.

a cup of coffee to drive the insanely heavy

stress load we have, preparing for the coming war.

awesomeness, it's a wonderful Wednesday.

Thankyou am.

not to forget, the B&J ice cream last week.

hehe.

2011-01-29T01:02:00.002+08:00

I guess its not too late to be thanking a bunch of people

who made my 20th a very memorable one indeed.

Thankyou for all the well-wishes and prayers.

It kick started with a little yet surprising surprise

of having a pull&bear shoes on my study table when

I got home on Tuesday.

Thankyou Enjois. Iloveyoupeople to bits.

Thankyou Amran. It must have been your idea,

because only you knew. Thanksss.

An early morning surprise by Faz at my door.

And a picnic with these bunch of kids.

Though the weather wasn't pretty nice towards me,

it just went fine, especially with the company.

Iloveallofyoupeople.

Alhamdulillah. Im blessed.

With all the wonderful people around me.

Imissyoulikecrazy.

2011-01-25T23:17:00.005+08:00

Alhamdulillah. so Submissions for interim is over.

3 more phase to go.

Final submissions, Journal Submission, Critique.

I know it wont be a smooth one but I hope

we can all pull through this together.

Amran Ishak.

A boy I've never spoken to before,

came to a reunion cum birthday, exactly 2 years ago,

with an injured toe.

Just an easy going person, with a friendly personality,

attracts me to make him feel comfortable with us there,

eventually becoming my own bestfriend,

from knowing nothing about me,

to knowing almost all.

Simple and random meet ups for once in few months.

Leading each other's hectic life individually

but knowing we have each other to lean on all the time.

Telling each other to hang on tough in rough times.

And keeping a deep secret which nobody knows.

Knowing there's always a soul out there whose

as strong as steel to guide each other.

never would I want to trade or lend someone

as precious as you because at the end of

the day, I always knew that you're an important

role model and person in my life.

we've marked many places with our footprints but

what remains forever is each other's footprints

in our life journey, our untold story.

Whatever tomorrow brings us,

Whatever fate has in store for each of us,

Do know that I'd always be the one you could lean on,

the one who would hear your cries,

share your joys, treat your wounds,

wipe your sweat and pat your back,

in every little pages of your story.

Should we have our own paths to lead one day,

I would definitely keep smiling not because

I no longer have you next to me, but because

God gave me this greatest chance to know

the true meaning of Friendship Love & Trust,

to have found someone as great and inspiring as you.

it's been 2 years as of today.

I'd pray for many more to come..

Thankyou for all the sacrifices and simplest to

biggest things you've done to see a smile from

a girl like me. I really do appreciate every little thing

and from the bottom of my heart, wholeheartedly & sincerely,

I love you and Thankyou.

(':

2011-01-24T03:02:00.002+08:00

time check : 3.04am

still awake. just got back from printing my CADs

and a short last minute meet-up with amran and suf

and eventually last minute supper with parents

& them.

Till date, as I reflect, I do somehow leave

an impact on certain souls. & for once,

I realized, a single soul has made an impact

on me in everything that he does.

Its not an ordinary one, rather a special impact.

Wherever you go,

Whatever tomorrow brings us to,

I just want you to know,

you have a special spot in my life.

& nothing changes that.

Thanks a million.

maiask.

you know who you are. (:

2011-01-21T09:13:00.002+08:00

for heaven's sake..i miss them. boo.

i miss the old carefree times i used to have,

as compared to this current FYP phase im facing.

its frustrating to be staring at CAD for hours,

drawing lines and deleting them over again.

I miss the times we sat by Esplanade,

watching people, talking just about life and school,

planning further events...

Times when all of us would literally slack,

cargo pants, t-shirt, flops and says hello at Esplanade.

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

aku rindu kau. ):

Miss the times you go "KHEMM'AQQ!"

seems like everyone's schedules are packed

right now. Fancy those younger ones,

having a carefree life, not much stress to handle.

brr. geram aje.

kk stop. (:

Monday interim review.

one stage down, then 3 more to go b4

it marks the end of tertiary life in 2011.

thanks for all the moral support and

endless words of advice to those whose

been there these days.

Thanks for bearing with yours truly's

endless craps, I just needed some breaks

in between the heavy thinking process.

Thanks amran. (:

2011-01-18T00:23:00.001+08:00

the keyword is Chinta.

not ordinary love=sayang.

2011-01-15T00:37:00.004+08:00

I'm just sad. Real sad.

and for once, it feels like a lonely ride tonight.

Im sorry, wholeheartedly.

probably one day, suddenly, when the one who loves

you the most is no longer next to you,

you'd realize how much the person means to you

all these while.

I had a good day.

thanks to those who were around.

2011-01-11T22:46:00.004+08:00

jeqoihsadnbieujnbdsamnasdkjheiuhds.

nak nangis ahh.

i need a big hug.

should have let me took a step back in the first place,

then I wouldnt feel this sucky, tingling feeling at

the nerve of my heart. urghh.

God's always testing my patience at

crucial moments like this.

I'll drown myself with what's needed.

back to school, back to work,

FYP with sleepless nights and

more redbull & breathers.

38.6 degrees is making me a more sensitive being.

God, bless me.

I miss you but I hate you I hate you hate you

for making me love you this much & miss you this bad that makes me cry this night. )':

2011-01-11T00:01:00.002+08:00

I love you enough..

to be missing you incredibly much

no matter the distance apart

though its been minutes our hands last touched..

I love you enough..

to be caring for you every minute,

regardless of where you may be,

cause I find you in my every heartbeat..

I love you enough..

to be fighting emotions within my soul,

though it may hurt at times,

it could be endured but Love i cant control..

I love you enough..

to be standing by you through it all,

wiping your tears when you cry,

cause I never want to see you fall..

I love you enough..

to be penning this down,

though it may just be words,

but truly, you're an angel that I've found.

I love you, more than this.

2011-01-10T00:22:00.003+08:00

hello BESTFRIEND.

surprised?

well get well soon. (:

you looked like a baby with bad fever

almost wailing asking to be comforted

that I almost cuddled you to hushh you up

(if you were a baby, that is).

__________________________________

I ammm so lemau like ikan salai,

with zero energy to even type

for I threw up up and again the moment I reached home.

there goes my chilli & cheese from Wendy's.

wasted.

boohoo.

I need some energy please.

and thanks a million loads to Amin for

spending his time doing a header for me,

Im touched beyond words. HEHE.

2011-01-09T12:53:00.002+08:00

> I want Chocolate Macadamia from Gloria Jeans.
> I want to go for a picnic.
> I want to go kite flying.
> I want to eat sushi.
> I want to go out for outdoor photography.
> yang penting, the G-shock is a 'to-die-for'

I believe everything happens for a reason,

I believe in Blessings in disguise.

I believe I cant shut people's mouth,

but I believe they'll shut themselves up when they are tired.

okay. that's random.

it's another lazy sunday.

with no plans in mind.

hippi saturday, out for vivo and labrador.

headed to West Coast for coffee and Pandan for fishing.

Lastly Clementi for Supper.

Wherever or whatever I spend my time on,

doesnt really matter.

Yang penting, is the company. (:

2011-01-07T01:58:00.002+08:00

time check : 2.53am

body check : flu

mood : i miss makassar

just finished watching Legenda Budak Setan.

The movie farking hell played with my emotions.

must applaud the OST ; Bila Cinta which totally moved me

at every clip thats saddening. Well, it's basically a story of this

guy Kashah, a notorious kid in collage who teased this girl Ayu,

by putting a lizard in her coke can and almost choked her to death.

She made him fall in love, made him change his perception of girls,

live and everything. yada yada yada.

she lost her memory in some part of the movie.

kashah helped her to regain her memory and the clip was just

damn awesome to me, it just brought back wonderful memories

of my 3 weeks in Makassar, with my fabulous friends.

sigh. all i could do was browse through our pictures and videos.

the fun we had since day 1 in Makassar is fresh in my head.

the first handshake. the first meal together. the star gazing

session at Kayangan while we stayed awake till sunrise together.

the fun we had at Transtudio. the late night drive to have dinner

and ice cream near Losari. the nights they spent at our hotel rooms,

just so that they could join us early next morning.

surprisingly, when i shut my eye to clear the tears,

I could clearly see the moment we had in toraja.

The campfire. Masya'allah...the friendship we shared.

not to forget, the amount of tears we shed at the airport

after many times trying to hug each other goodbye.

it's one trip I would never forget for it made me

recover from one painful downfall in my life.

I miss everything about Makassar, about them, about

Pak Tahang, Pak Tako...

at least, the simple reply from Fajar made me smile.

they miss us too.

bintang. rindu sangat sangat.

im tired of fighting with my own emotions

in many different aspects.

but i know i have to fight on.

i hate the painful tingling sensation in the heart

which plainly means I feel hurt or mixed emotions,

which make me want to wail and cry but then again,

you taught me to be a stronger person.

you are the reason why Im still here.

aku ingin engkau selalu.

hadir dan temani aku.

di setiap langkah yang meyakiniku,

kau tercipta untukku...

2011-01-05T01:00:00.002+08:00

Melts. Melts. Melts.

nak G-shock nak G-shock nak G-shock jugaaak.

*breathe in deep2 and hold breath with eyes closed tight*

Gawd. it is just so fucken hawt I can melt.

Thanks Faz for the girl's evening out on Monday.

Thanks Enjoi for the dinner at Gap on Tuesday.

Thanks amran for the lunch just now.

Been having this sharp shooting head pains

since morning, been enduring but it just doesnt

seem to go away. )':

amazing.

just the way you are.

2011-01-04T00:39:00.005+08:00

time check : 12.45am

body check : sinus head pains

mood : bored

you tau tak... from the start, everytime you hugged me goodbye, I wished it lasted longer.

you tau tak... from the start, I feel the ache hearing you talking about your lover.

you tau tak... from the start, there's something about you that makes me happy.

you tau tak... from the start, I envy the lucky ones who won your heart.

you tau tak... from the start, I distant myself so that I wont fall further.

you tau tak... from the start, I feel most comfortable next to you.

you tau tak... from start, everytime you called, I would smile.

you tau tak... from the start, I cared for you the most.

you tau tak... from the start, it has always been you.

you tau tak... from the start, I wish it was me.

you tau tak... from the start, i love you.

you tau tak... all your words never failed to carry me forward.

you tau tak... being in your hug makes me feel safe.

you tau tak... seeing your frown makes me cry inside.

you tau tak... hearing your voice puts my mind at ease.

you tau tak... I fear most of losing you.

you tau tak... tears drop when I found out you're happy with someone else.

you tau tak... I cry everytime after I try to salvage you and your other half.

you tau tak... I read your texts over again when I miss you.

you tau tak... your eyes never fail to catch my attention.

you tau tak... the way you care for me touches my heart.

you tau tak... you mean a lot to me.

you tau tak... I get butterflies everytime you are 2cm away from me.

you tau tak... you look cute when you're upset.

you tau tak... you look stunning everytime you dress smartly.

you tau tak... my kness went weak when you strummed the guitar for me.

you tau tak... I wanted to hug you tightly when you came with a candy for me.

you tau tak... there are many things you did that made me speechless.

you tau tak... the way you call my name makes me smile to myself.

you tau tak... I dont look forward to our goodbye hugs.

you tau tak... I fear only your stern look.

you tau tak... the scent of you makes me go uoo-lala.

you tau tak... like you, I stare at your FB wall frequently.

you tau tak... sometimes I just feel like texting you, but no idea what to say.

you tau tak... when I sent you a blank text, I cancelled what I typed 5 times.

you tau tak... I still keep your poetic texts.

you tau tak... I wished I can pause the clock when Im with you.

you tau tak... I miss you and your craps right now.

you tau tak... I can go on and on...

whose this for?

siapa makan icecream teraser dinginnya k.

miss.

staring.

at.

you.

time check : 1.45am

2011-01-02T10:26:00.003+08:00

Let's go down the memory lane of 2010.

all the wonderful laughter I had.

The year began smoothly, with a picnic with the sisters

at Marina Barrage. it's been so long since I last saw them.

But whatever comes, you bunch gave me a great

secondary school life, being my pillar of strength back then.

Though we might not be as close right now,

but we just have to remember one thing,

we've created a chapter in each other's life before.

i miss you babes.

Fir. knowing you by chance was fate.

I know I've played a part in knocking some sense

into your head, and I hope you wont put it to a waste.

Probably it was just a spur of the moment kind of thing.

But I know, you'll make it safely out there.

I'll keep in mind your advices.

Thank you for making quite an impact in my life.

Having the chance to fly to Makassar,

it was a rare opportunity.

Knowing them was...God's greatest gift.

all the good time we had, all the fun,

the tears and sweat we shed, is still fresh in my mind.

Muni kangen gila-gilaan ama kalian.

Thanks a truckload for all this beautiful friendship.

BBQ CSM. nothing can be compared to you bunch.

also, Clique5. a place where I call home,

a place where I could find comfort,

also a place where I learnt to be who I am today.

Though it's just history, what remains is this bond that we share.

I miss the good old times, but I dont think it would ever come back.

just bear in mind, we are here, for one another.

the next wonderful thing that happened,

is having them in SG. it was...hectic yet just super wonderful.
knowing new friends, its beyond words could explain.

so from the makassar trip, it just created another Clique for me.

thanks for all the memories shared. We shall continue

to have random lunch together. and hopefully,

we shall have the chance to be back in Makassar one fine day, together.

can i scream? I miss Korea a hell lot.
not the artists or songs or anything like that,

just simply the FOOD, WEATHER and the company i had there.

Juno, i miss hearing you crap.

I miss eating at Fresh Burger, and I definitely miss

the girls nights we had.

hello sweethearts. the long battle is coming to an end,

very very soon. we had uncountable downs, but

we had our ways to relieve ourselves and let our hair down.

let's stick closely together and pull through this safely.
3 years, is just a rocket speed. ohmy.

2010, having you pretty close, just next door,

was a relieve. if it wasnt for you I probably would

have given up on school. it's going to be a tough battle

in 2011 for you dear, but Im just a call away.

dont even think of riding it solo, cause you'll end up missing

me again. ehehehe. cheers to our friendship.

GF su. We might always be far, busy with our own

tight schedules. but we know we have each other

to fall back on. i dont have to explain much because

you know I love you. (:

should I say I stumble upon them on my boring off day?

probably I did and since then, I never looked back.

because they are just as awesome as the rest.

though it has only been a while, I know there's more to come.
i've learnt that, in life whatever shits that happens,

we must still take time to Enjoi. \m/
Momster, its great to know you better and have you

next to me at my lowest. I couldnt thank you enough,

but just simply, I love you and you can count on me.

Amran Ishak, my bestfriend, my friend, my brother,

advisor, motivator and inspiration.

Thanks for the great 2010.
let's believe that this year would be a better one,

because Hope is nothing if we dont Believe in it.

all those tears left behind just made us into

better humans and made us wiser in choosing

our paths in life.

All that happened are not mistakes but just

challenges to test our determination to live.

But at the end of each winding road, is a breathtaking scene.

I can't thank you enough for always being there,

at anytime or anywhere, just to see this innocent girl's smile.

for always offering the shoulder to cry on and

a hug of comfort whenever I needed them.
I might be pushing myself too hard most of the times,

call me stubborn but I learnt all these life skills

from you, to never give up easily.

what matters for now is, for you to be happy.

keep smiling and keep believing,

because there's always a soul out there

who really cares and loves you,

and would hold your hands to guide you through.

2011-01-01T12:50:00.004+08:00

say farewell to 2010, and hello to 2011.

it's been a long rocky yet adventurous road of 2010.

with 2 expeditions at another corner of the world,

it has been an eye-opening year.

moulded me into a stronger being.

seeing many broken hearted loved ones,

many that has already left our side to be

with the Almighty,

many failures and successes too..

the tears and laughter 2010 had brought upon me.

yesterday marks the end of the chapter.

it was an awesome yet simple 31st.

with no plans to some last minute plans.

headed to the cinema with GF and Nal and Amran,

after a meal at Mr Prata.

caught Guliver's Travels and then headed to Marina

with the intention to..watch the fireworks.

but the crowd..was rather, really crowded.

we decided to..somehow ditch the plan.

headed to the getaway.

it was the most simplest way to welcome the

new year, yet so beautiful.

cheesy? well, not so. (:

cheers to 2011.

thanks for the company and texts last night.

biggest thanks to amran for the...

for every single itsy bitsy thing. (:

2010-12-31T01:17:00.003+08:00

sumpah. lapar. tu lah..

tadi amran tanye nak makan tak,

ngader2 cakap takpe..

padan muker.

)':

kebulor tahap maximum.

ARGH.

*blink&poutedlipsforyou* heh.

i can't sleep though its close to 2pm cause i

am freaking hungry and someone just left

me to sleep without a goodnight wish,

busted..awak trick saye eh..

cantekk..

tapi, aku cintaaaa, aku rinduu...

walau berjauhan ku tahu hatimu...

lalalala..

k random.

i miss every single thing about..YOU,

though its only been 4 hours ago..

2010-12-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

i keep bumping into unexpected people these few days.

zul&ayid.haziyah.jannath.waz.fir.

fir...legendary.

it's been months..many months.

no doubt, i was left speechless and cold,

rooted to the ground for a moment.

probably it's just fated; our paths crossed tonight.

you seem to be doing well, im happy for that.

thanks for the good memories..

it's better this way.

had a nice wonderful monday.

movies at marina with BF.

probably a little late to catch Hello Strangers,

but heck..it's a nice story. (:

window shopping at Hershey's,

dinner at Mos Burger,

live performance at esplanade,

live jazz band at the outdoor amphitheater,

vani latte & bagel at Starbucks,

a long train ride home.

a wonderful happy monday..

Thankyouverynice.

saaaayaaang kau. (:

so today, a young boy made my day..

Boy : Bye kakak! (whispered to his mom : lawa seh kakak tuu..)

Me : BYE!! (:

Boy : kakak lawaaa. BYE!!

HEHEHE. jangan JEALOUS...

2010-12-26T00:45:00.002+08:00

kiter dah relek..

Welcome to SeoulGarden at JurongWest64. (:

had a great time with the Enjois on Friday evening,

steamboating till night.

started early morning helping mom with

marinating the meat and stuffs like that.

hehehe.

honey&garlic beef sukiyaki, teriyaki beef,

honey&oyster chicken, tomyum fish,

blackpepper prawns..fuuh. steam eh geng.

then Mahathir came to join us at 8.

Thanks for coming bro.

dad went an extra mile to extend his hospitality.

just so that he could know my clique of friends better.

also joined them in the karaoke session.

nice.

this is Enjoi feat Ladies Enjoi feat Maha.

apart from Clique5, I see my future with these boys.

they..are the nicest things you can find in friends.

words of advice, encouragements, jokes..

care, love, concern, effort and sacrifices..

just simple yet perfect..(:

so when boy gets tired of driving,

he had the adrenaline rush to ride a X1.

right..da relek. (:

i just love their antics.

so random, yet can make me laugh my heart out.

at the end of the night,
it's always amran who ends it right. (:
2 years and still going strong,
we've been the best of friends all these long.
who am I without amran,
in times when there's no place to run..
it's been you you you,
sumpah, nobody reads me better than kamu.
percayer laah my dear bestfriend,
Im always here, shoulders to lend.

thanks to all, for the simple yet cozy evening.
NEXT in line, kite flying please.

____________________________________

side note :
cant wait to meet Figolians at Abg Al's wedding.
work was fine, free from accidents.
downwith bad sinus, so bad i could cry. URGH.
can i? no, big girls dont cry.

ticklingsensation.
i.miss.YOU.

2010-12-24T01:30:00.002+08:00

hehehe.

time check : 0200 hours.

im still wide awake.

off day ; a day out with amran.

Back to the old place,

reminiscing the good old stories

and places we used share and go to.

he brought me to Changi Airport.

yes. all the way to Changi, by train. ((:

hehehe. thankyouverymuchh.

early dinner at BK Ion, window shopping,

or probably, a little bit of shopping,

unplanned pasar malam with Enjoi brothers.

And NTUC shopping with mommy for

later tonight's SetimBoat dinner with Enjois.

I had a fabulous thursday plus wednesday afternoon.

thanks AmranIshak. (:

randomly.

Do you think you've ever made any positive impact in somebody's life?

Does love needs to last forever?

If you care for certain people, how far would you go for them?

Is there anybody who've made a great impact in your life?

Whose really there when you're crying your heart out?

give it some thoughts..

you'll start to appreciate more people

and also God's gifts as days goes by.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take,

But the number of times that takes you breaths away.

______________________________

i really appreciate having you around.

never mind how funny, weird, or cute

the story was since the beginning till date.

it just..draws a smile to have somebody

like you to end the day right.

*blink&poutedlips*

hehe.

2010-12-22T01:19:00.002+08:00

i dont understand why.

why are you people trying to pull them away from us.

what's our flaws? we don't deserve all these.

probably it's just the way you people are brought up

since young. you didn't have the strong bond like us.

probably you're just envying us from far.

the kids are innocent. just stop brainwashing them.

well, you can try to. but they are old enough to think.

they come, they see, they believe.

because I know, my family love has

always been pure and true.

if there's one thing I've learnt in life,

Atok has always nurtured in all of his

children and grandchildren that nothing beats

a strong family love and hinder the acts to get back

on jealousy among human mankind.

ya Allah, lindungi kami sekeluarga.

Jauhkan kami dari hasad keji dan dendam.

berikan kami petunjukMu.

Bimbing kami ke jalan yang Kau redhai.

Amin.

__________________________________

stress eh? its been a long time stress all along.

human nature. just envying those leading a happy life.

that aside. munirah alsagoff has been clumsy at

work these few days.

people might just have wrong ideas that

im being ill-treated at work,

having scars and scalds here and there.

fact is : I AM CLUMSY.

got my head knocked by the ice machine door.

got cut by the printing machine.

got cut by the cardboards.

got cut by the table edge.

got finger slammed by the drawer.

got my waist scalded by the hot water.

finally, got my cookie monster dirtied by

my own pen, in my own pocket. )):

kecoh eh? =(

so now we're working like a family, finally.

riders being nice, managers being nice, EXCEPT one.

-__-

following me all around like a bugger.

brr.

just left me with massive head pains

throughout the whole day.

Mr Sim was nice enough to give a 5 min palm massage

which relieved me for 30mins.

but in the end, im still stuck with a fever, flu, cough and

exhausted body.

miss.

staring.

at,

you.

2010-12-19T20:45:00.002+08:00

like cute only? (:

im bored. im being a good girl,

going home before evening and staying home

through the night. end up browsing through the

net for many things.

my body feels like breaking.

suddenly feels like a piece of fragile glass that can

break when being gripped with a slight pressure.

note to self : hang in tough through all obstacles.

if nobody gives up on you, then you have no

reasons to give up on your ownself.

spent a lazy sunday out at vivo,

walking around and window shopping,

and having waffle ice cream at pasir panjang

on the scorching hot day.

thanks truckloads.

What more could i ask for...

happy

kid.

2010-12-18T01:57:00.003+08:00

Had late dinner at gap with amran

on thursday night, followed by the boys.

the prata there, delicious okay. go try. ((:

"1 kopi murtabak..." (inside joke k.)

work.

what can i say about work?

i was flung here and there in the bar.

I have fabulous colleagues, abang2, a kakak and

elder people whom i can look up to.

it's a normal friday crowd, with the help of

Mak's petua to knock on the walls and cash register

to 'invite' more sales.

Marikris was nice to say

"ahh..why you so warm? having fever..let me put you in the

ice dispenser okay dear?" -_____-

i love TPZ BBQ. just..nice. (:

whose working on christmas, hands up!

i know BF is. so am i and my power rangers.

but before we hit the PH madness,

Im looking forward to steamboat dinner at home

with Enjoi and Nabs with my family.

cute kan? i know.

i is girl manje, that's why all these is happening,

but thanks to them who entertains the childish

side of me. (:

why not enjoy life before the start of

another 7 weeks of battle.

nevertheless, work is as important for now.

i ll miss alot of people, but commitments

comes first.

in the process, HAVE FUN!

i kept wondering why, why, why..

but i've stopped wondering.

probably it's just you. Y O U.

the way you are.

the way you care and share.

one in a million.

tyfbtfmeinyimsiye.